Apparently, I chose the wrong major.

…But I’m six months away from graduating. Oops.

Let me clarify the issue:

My major is English with a concentration in writing. I chose it two years ago when I transfered from community college because I wasn’t exactly sure which “career” I wanted in life, but I wanted to study something I cared about. I originally transferred as a journalism student, but I changed it just before classes started because I thought I could do more with an English degree instead of a more focused and one-track journalism degree. (I figured I’d chose a focus in graduate school, but I don’t really see that on my horizon right now anymore.) Maybe you think that’s foolish, but that was part of my reasoning.

You know what my other reasoning was? I actually like English. I like studying literature, I like studying why it was written, what it means, what happened in the author’s life, the culture’s life, the movement’s life, that may have influenced the work itself. And I love writing. I actually love writing about and analyzing literature, how nerdy is that? I also love creative writing more than journalistic writing. It’s different, and I was aware of that, so I chose English. I figured that if I was going to spend two years of my time and money studying something, it might as well be something I actually cared about and enjoyed doing.

And you know what? I have enjoyed it. Granted, I wish that my university had a more diverse requirements list because I have no room to take anything extra, and sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in British literature… But I still enjoy it. I wish it had more writing classes, and I wish I could’ve established a better connection with the professors by coming in my Freshmen year. However, coming in as a transfer student, I’ve still enjoyed it. Most of my professors have been awesome, and they really care about what they teach. And you know what? I enjoyed those two years at community college when I was just a “General Studies” major too. I got to take lots of fun classes like art, photography, acting, astronomy, and film, all while accomplishing most of my general education credits and getting an Associates Degree in the process.

If it sounds like I’m defending myself, it’s because recently I’ve been feeling like I might’ve made the wrong decision.

Just today, a friend whom I greatly respect, told me that he wished he could rewind the clock and tell me to change my major.

He was joking, but it made me think. He said it because of the things I’m looking to do in my future. Some of my new-found desires seem like they would work better with a different degree. I agree with him, and it has been something I’ve been scolding myself about even before he said anything.

For example: Slowly but surely I think God has been growing in me a desire to teach, but when I first started as an English major I was dead-set against anyone telling me I was just going to be a teacher. I’m still against it, and I don’t want to be an English teacher right now, but I’m looking at possible opportunities to teach Conversational English overseas … and it would be a lot easier and make a lot more sense if I had known that three years ago and started on a TESOL program at my university.

Example number two: What my friend was talking about was my desire for cross-cultural missions and how I want to have an actual job in the place I live instead of just living on financial support. I don’t know what he would’ve told me to major in… maybe International Studies or Community Development? That’s something I’ve seen as a requirement for internships at non-profit organizations. I guess I missed the boat on majoring in that stuff too.

I think it’s stuff like this that makes me absolutely terrified to make any sort of decision whatsover. Because, you see, I chose English, and the enemy is telling me right now that I chose wrong.

Listen, I’m pretty sure God’s not up there shaking his head and going, “Oh, my dear Robyn, if only you’d chosen this major. Your life will forever be second-best, and you’ll never get the job(s) I had originally intended for you, all because you made the wrong choice in college.”

That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? So I’m calling the enemy out on his stupid lie.

You know what happened to me this semester in my three English classes?

One: My British literature professor told me he enjoyed reading my essays and having me in his class.
Two: My literary criticism professor gave me an A on a paper that stressed me out to no end, and he told me that it has potential to be published in an academic journal.
Three: My advanced fiction professor went out of his way to email me after he had read my final story and tell me that I had done a great job and made the right choices. He edited my story and sent it back to me because he thought it also had potential to be published.

I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, I’m honestly just stating the truth to myself. I chose English, and obviously there was a reason to it. I enjoy it, and God has gifted me with the ability to study it well and to write well.

Now, I have no idea what I’m going to do with it, but that’s okay. It’s not a useless major, and my college years have not been wasted. The answer may not be right in front of me, and it probably won’t be easy to do when it comes; maybe I will have to go back to school. But I am trying to be confident in God’s timing and God’s opinion of me. He’s not going to drop me off in the world and laugh at how I wasted my time, at how useless the skills He gave me are for anything important. He gave me both the desires and the gifts, and I have to believe that He will bring the two together in His most glorious and perfect way, and He will of course make up for any shortcomings because He is the Lord Almighty.