Hello again, community. I want you to know that I’ve arrived safely in Colorado. I can’t even see a day ahead of me on this new journey, but I’m here with my family and I’m expecting the Lord to reveal what else is here. I’m not okay, sometimes it might seem like I’m strong or firm in my faith, but I am hurting. I am seeking, yes, but I am hurting, and bitter, and weak.
I’ve been rereading the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan lately, because they are such a great escape. (The movies are atrocious, but if you think for even a second that you might like the books…read them. Do it. They are so clever and touching and hilarious– plus, they teach you about Greek and Roman mythology. If you’re a myth buff, you can guess things before the characters do and feel proud of yourself.) Anyway…I did have a point to this. I wanted to quote a passage from The Lightning Thief.
Percy Jackson is a demigod, the son of the greek god Poseidon and a human woman (Sally Jackson, literally the best mother ever). In The Lightning Thief, he’s just starting to figure out who he is and he doesn’t quite understand it. He stands in front of the vast Pacific Ocean, thinks about his vacations on the Atlantic, and narrates this:
“How could there be a god who controlled all that? What did my science teacher used to say– two-thirds of the earth’s surface was covered in water? How could I be the son of someone so powerful?” [Percy will later go on to discover that this same power, the untamable, undying power of the sea, lives inside him.]
I just love that part. Every time I read it, or think about Percy and his super awesome powers, or watch as the god of the entire ocean stoops down to touch his son’s shoulder, something inside of me resonates with–or aches for–or leaps at this idea.
Because it’s true, isn’t it? Actually, the truth is even greater. My God is not only the God who controls the waves, but also the sky and the stars and the earth. He not only controls it, He created it, all of it, the whole universe. And He is also my Father, I am His beloved child, and His power–the power that lit the stars, the power that starts and stops the storm, the power that conquered death– lives inside me.
Even as I write this, I feel, like Percy, a sense of doubt. How is that possible? And even if it were, why would that God choose to love me? It is very hard for me to accept these things right now, to really believe it and find comfort and confidence…
I don’t have my daddy in this world anymore. I don’t have my mom either. But the God of the universe is right beside me, He dwells within me, and He holds me fast. I still despair, but I want to think on these things today, so I’m going to post them here, so I can remember.