Brain Dump, February 2, 2012

My brain feels so fried,
I’m taking five classes this semester, all back to back on the same two days of the week. three of them are English classes, one is history, and one is [a breath of fresh air] geology.
I feel like I’m drowning in readings. Last night my dad tried to tell me some trivia, and I said to him, “I”m really sorry, but I just can’t take in any more information right now.”

Sometimes I think maybe it’s best that my friends are all scattered across the globe right now because I need to spend all my time reading, in class, or working, so I probably wouldn’t be able to hang out with them anyway.

my hair has random streaks of rust-orangey red in it after I dyed it last week, and I mean I coated the hole thing in henna mud and still only pieces of the color show. I really want to do it again with the rest of the mud and i contemplate putting it on in detail while bored in class, but now I’m too lazy to actually get around to doing it.

I’m supposed to be writing a blog for my friend Nick, and I’ve been working on a post for weeks and months but still have nothing to give to him. because I always have to sabotage any opportunity I get to get my voice out there and spread to a wider audience. I always sabotage any chance for future endeavors.

I wanted to write ‘endeavours’ just then because I got so used to the British spelling system and now I want to use it out of stubbornness.

because I wished I lived in the UK.

but there’s so much more of the world that I still want to see. so what do I do? do I try to get over to the UK for a while? or do I keep that in the back of my mind while I try to see the rest of the world? how do I even do that? teach overseas? go on the world race? hope I find someone who wants to give me an around-the-world tour as a present?

I want to find someone to travel the world with.

I want to be content with that someone being Jesus, because really He’s the best travel companion there is…

back to the writing thing — my Advanced fiction teacher told us that he would rather we not use elements of genre in our stories and practically dismissed Lord of the Rings as a piece of crap [he didn’t say that, but he said he’d weep in a bad way if we brought something like it to him], leaving me to assume that I must be a bad writer because I love using fantasy and sci-fi elements in my writing.

this is especially frustrating because I’ve been reading all about the power of myth in Waking the Dead and had desperately hoped this semester would be a time in which I could create a mythical story that spoke to the truths of our humanity.

maybe I still can, but I don’t know how yet.

today in class we learned that DaVinci said “Art dies in freedom but lives form constraint,” to which my teacher proclaimed that he compltely agrees, but he’s not putting any constraints on us this semester, except a slight length requirement and the no-genre rule. thanks, professor. I guess my art’s going to die now, like it’s been dying already. and I had been so excited about this class because I thought it would constrain me and force me through my writer’s block. now I’m just left with a vast open expanse of possibilities, no idea where to begin a story or how to even devise a conflict.

so I’m writing this blog post because I figure after all the information-intake over the past three days, I need to get something out.

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