I’ve missed writing on this blog.
I know I haven’t been here in a while… I think it’s because I just haven’t known what to say. Or I’ve wanted to say so much but didn’t know how to get it out…
It probably also has something to do with the fact that I want each blog post to be perfect or meaningful in some way. But as my friends at The Write Practice say, perfection is not important, vulnerability is. Perfection is the enemy of creativity.
So, with that in mind, I think I’m just going to do a brain dump on you now, and see where it takes me…
Did you know that I’ve been away from home for two months now? Yep. I passed the two month mark three days ago. And yesterday I hit the two month mark for going home.
Whether I’m halfway through, halfway to, or halfway between, I don’t really know — and between what, exactly?
I’ve been away for two months, and there’s so much going on inside me that sometimes I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment…
But it never comes.
I just want to have a breakdown session, just to get it out, just to cry, because it worries me that it’s not coming out.
And it worries me when I don’t write.
Did you know, too, that telling me I’m going ‘home’ soon doesn’t make me feel better? It actually kind of freaks me out.
Like I said, I’m halfway. But halfway to what, I have no idea. Because the future is uncertain.
But my God is certain.
See, that’s like…three blog posts in one. This is why I haven’t posted, because if I were being the perfect blogger, I’d separate these out into three longer posts and develop my thoughts more and come to a conclusion at the end…
But that’s not why I’m writing this post. I’m writing this post because I need to keep writing. I need to keep processing. I need to keep getting things out instead of holding them in because I’m afraid I’ll never express them perfectly.
And so now, I’m just going to hit ‘Publish’ instead of the ‘Save Draft’ button, and let myself be vulnerable. Because otherwise, I’ll never publish anything at all.