“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:12-13
I was accepted to go on a missions trip this summer, and I’m not really sure what to think about it.
The week between having the interview and getting accepted was agonizing and trying, and I drew closer to God because of it. I felt comforted in the midst of uncertainty.
Now, I don’t feel anything.
Yes, all these doors have been opened, and all of my friends are very supportive and encouraging, but… well, I feel like they’re more excited than I am.
Not that I’m not excited, I just… am unsure, I guess.
To top it all off, I decided to check out some books because I like to learn about cultures before I interact with them,
And now, I’m just scared.
I thought this book “The Israelis” was gonna be great, but it’s all about terrorism, basically. I mean, yes, it is a good book, and it’s about the Israeli people, but it keeps coming back to the fact that people can’t step on a bus without fear that it’ll blow up.
I don’t know, maybe that got into my head somehow. Maybe it’s affecting the way I feel now…
But really I just feel, numb, I guess,
And I have no idea what to do.
God, I don’t know what to do.
I was talking to someone today who is going on The World Race with the same organization that is sending me to Israel. (That was another strange occurrence/encouragement? She got accepted around the same time I did and we leave around the same time.)
We were talking about fear, and I told her that I think when you’re excited, but you’re scared, then that’s a good place to be. I said that’s when God shows up.
It felt good to finally say that out loud, because it’s something I’ve been thinking about this week. It also just sort of popped out of my mouth. Holy Spirit? Yes.
So let’s list this out shall we?
1) Numerous doors have been opened. Even when it seemed like doors would be shut, new ones were open. I was told I had to face demons, I could have run away, but God provided me a way to fight. I was worried about raising support, but God provided me a back-up plan if all else fails. I got accepted faster than I thought I was going to be.
2) My dad and my friends are being very supportive. They’re all very excited for me, and even before I got accepted one of them told me that this would be a good trip for me and she thinks I should go.
3) Strange “coincidence” that I would meet someone else who is in a similar situation.
But wait a second.
I don’t think this is the way to follow God’s will.
A close friend and leader of mine (who also has been through this organization) told me: “’The will of God is for you to be like Jesus Christ. If you’re like Christ, you’ll do Christ-like things. Make a plan and say Amen.’” … I’m coming to realize that God’s will is for us to BE. Be loved by Him. Be Christ to people. Can God speak to us and give us a specific direction in a dream or however He speaks to you? Of course. But a lot of times the direction is the dreams that He’s birthed within us. You want to know the direction of your life just look inside your heart.
So is it ‘God’s will’ for you to go on this trip? Ask yourself this question, ‘Are you following the Lord with a pure heart and letting Him love you?’ Then go for it!
It is our job to just BE loved by our King, Savior, and Lord, Jesus Christ.”
Which parrallels something the interviewer told me. When I called her to make sure the acceptance email wasn’t a mistake, she told me that it I am accepted onto this team, as long as I continue to work to get myself to a place where I am growing with God and letting Him lead me… I don’t know, I wish I could remember exactly what she said, but it seemed similar to the “following the Lord with a pure heart” part.
So if I’m doing that… everything else just sort of… falls into place, right?
I mean in the sense that God’s going to use me wherever I go. [I almost typed “God’s going to take care of me wherever I go.” Holy Spirit again? Yes.]
And I want to go to Israel.
It’s such a diverse country, and many of the people must have such a love for life because they know each day could be their last.
This is the place where many Biblical tales took place.
Jesus walked there, like actually walked there!
God is working in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Jaffa, and all of Israel. It is a land full of tension and conflict, but God is there, and I am blessed to even be considered to be a part of what He is doing.
But I still can get very overwhelmed… Please keep me in your prayers, as well as my team and the people of Israel.