When I counted up my demons…

I have been told the best advice to aspiring writers is to “keep writing, keep writing!” Not that I would necessarily “claim” to be an “aspiring writer,” but I do like to write… So, here is attempt number two at my “keep writing” plan:

Dear blog,

So, I’ve had some difficult issues to deal with lately, and I want to put it this way…

You see, we all have demons. (We count them up and hope that everything’s not lost.)

Sometimes, one or more of our demons can hide away for a little while, and so we think we’re okay:  It’s alright, I haven’t seen that particular demon for a while now, so I’d rather just push him out of my mind and move on with my life.  Everything’s good, everything’s fine.

Usually, this is when he likes to rear his ugly little head again. He’ll pop on by, just to say hello, and remind us that we are still human and fragile, prone to making mistakes and highly susceptible to temptation.

Now, we have a choice:  Do we push the demon out of our mind again and keep telling ourselves that we can get through this, it’s an out of sight, out of mind kind of deal … Or do we face the demon head on, grab him by the horns (if your demon has horns) and throw him out of our life?

Herein lies the problem. If you try to keep living your life free of the demon without ever actually facing him, you will carry around this weight, this shadow. And while things may be sunny at the moment, the shadow – that you’ve probably never actualy told anyone about – can always creep back in.

But you could live with that. Why?

Because your second option is far scarier. You see, in order to face the demon, you must look into his eyes, and, chances are, you are going to see yourself, and that terrifies you.

This is especially difficult for those who don’t like confrontation (like me).

It’s not that you’re afraid of hurting the demon’s feelings. I mean, let’s be honest, you would love to see him destroyed and done for. But the thing is, you’d much rather forget you ever had a problem, than go about trying to fix it. Because fixing it requires internal research, digging deep, and remembering that you were the one feeding that pesky demon all along. It is not the demon you have to confront, it is yourself. You see, in order for something to be fixed, it first needs to be broken.

And being broken is much MUCH scarier than having to shoo away a pesky little demon every now and then.

And yet, we are called to be broken. For it is only in our brokenness that the Ultimate Restorer can overwhelm us with His power of love and redemption. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” -Psalm 51:17

When we are broken, He is close, and He will not reject us. The Lord will always love us, restore us, and make us new.

And yet, sometimes I think we would still rather just burry that little demon deep in the recesses of our minds where no one will ever find him and just go about our business. Of course, that probably won’t work too well because other people come ready with shovels. They will dig, and dig deep, until they find that demon, bring him back to the surface, and leave you covered in dirt.

And now how are you supposed to feel?

Like dirt, you would think. Obviously.

But the thing is, those demon-miners were probably doing you a favor.

But you still have a choice:  You can reach for the shovel and bury your demon again. Maybe you have more than one. Bury them all so deep, deeper than before, and maybe, just maybe, they won’t resurface, at least not any time soon.

Or,

You can grab that demon by the horns, look him straight in the eyes, and allow yourself to be broken. And after that, let go, and lift your eyes to the One who restores.

It’s going to be scary, and it’s going to be difficult, but in the end you will be so much better for it. …Right?

Advertisements

One thought on “When I counted up my demons…

  1. Pingback: Chains be Broken, Lives be Healed « The bleeding hearts and artists make their stand…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s